Friday, September 19, 2008

Hep C Treament - Day 05

Felt pretty good yesterday. Went shopping and survived. Though it was rather tough at the end. I got all flustered and confused at the till which was a little demeaning. You always feel so pressured to get your shopping packed and pay as quick as possible. I happened to have a new bank card - but not the new PIN, so my brain just became confused, I could not think what to do. I had plenty of other cards, but I just stood there. Eventually I gave one over and all was fine, but I hate the experience of trying to think and nothing will come. I have had it many times before, particularly when the Hep C was bad. At the moment I think the drugs are responsible. They rob you of energy.

We like to think we only have one brain but such experiences clearly indicate we have more than one. When you are ill your 'body brain' takes over. It insists on you resting because it knows its what the body requires. Even though your 'intellectual brain' protests, it has no power. If the 'body brain' says, stay in bed, you are a fool to ignore it. You see people who abuse the intelligence of the bodies. They push them to breaking point and wonder why they become seriously ill. One of the consequences of having Haemophilia, or any other chronic condition for that matter, is that you learn to listen to what your body is telling you.

That's why, today I am taking it easy. I feel rough. I don't know if its the second peak I hear mentioned in forums, but I am taking no risks. May go out for a cup of tea in the sun with a mate later. That's got to be enriching surely?

Just one other thing, I have had a couple of experiences of mild elation. Particularly this morning. I think I have been dreading this process for soooo long that now its here and I am not feeling too bad I become excited. The fact that I am at last trying to fight off this damn virus makes me feel empowered somehow. I was singing like a lunatic while washing up this morning. This is not the reaction I expected at all! : )

You live and learn.


adrian said...
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adrian said...

Hey Rich,
Am I the lunatic you were singing like while washing up this morning? I certainly hope not - not sure the world is ready for two of us (either of us?).

And I'm very jealous of the fact that you have identified a cause of your confusion while shopping. I find myself increasingly experiencing a disturbing level of brain fade when trying to deal with the simplest transactions. I have usually attributed this to some impenetrable communication barrier relating to the age difference between myself and the shop assistant, who most likely was educated (or not) on a different planet, but I know the problem is mine and I have to learn to deal with it.

I have really enjoyed reading the comments from Chris and Debi - Keep it up folks! With friends like these I am sure the journey will be made easier and you will be given every assistance in keeping the right focus for your book. I would humbly add - that I think I would be right in saying that I am not the only living person who is shamefully ignorant of all the pain, discomforts and inconveniences that are suffered by a haemophiliac. And that this project, this book, provides you with a wonderful opportunity to educate us all, not in a preachy way, but by telling us your story as it unfolds. And while it is great that the Promethean legend provides you with a model for the book, I would also endorse the comments that you do not become too bogged down with sticking to this too rigidly. It is your story that is of interest. Tell it like it is! I do not want to be put off reading the end product by a fear that I am not educated enough to understand it.

Fear not the mild elation! Grab onto it and hang in there!

Debi said...

You're on the road and though you know the journey will be tough every one starts with a single step.

Not only have you taken the steps that will hopefully beat down this 'damn virus' but you're also using the experience in a really constructive and creative way.

So though I don't for a moment underestimate the struggle, you also have every reason to feel elated!

I think writing releases something akin to the endorphins experienced by people who exercise. We can use fiction to sort through the mucky stuff in Real Life and find resolutions.

Imagine how much worse it would be without that outlet!

Minx said...

Always listen to what yer body is saying, even if it screaming for chocolate!
Good luck with the treatment - Milk Thistle is good for cleaning out the liver (I have Gilberts Syndrome and use it daily).

R i c h said...

I am heartend the blog is already proving to be of interest. As Debi says it has certainly been a helpful release for me.

Yes Adrian the lunatic did sound very much like you!

Dear Minx, welcome. Yes, I have tried Milk Thistle in the past, but it did not really help. Prior to treatment my life saver was chinese medicine. I would have been a zombie if it had not been for that. As soon as I started taking them my energies returned. Its definately worth a try. But note of caution, get a good practitioner.